Peruvian Dark Night Of The Soul

Last fall, I went to Peru for a little over two months. When I arrived a white feather suddenly appeared letting me know my angels were with me. Later on, I went to a café and as I exited, I saw a large black feather at the doorstep. Excitedly, I picked it up knowing it was a sign, a big sign. But somehow at the time, I couldn’t remember what a black feather meant.

Many people assumed that since I was away for two months that I had the time of my life, that I went on a big adventure, but in fact I had a spiritual awakening.

During my trip, I collected lots of black feathers. They were everywhere. I had never seen so many black feathers. They were from the vultures that flew above the city. To be honest, I never felt that safe in the city. The crime had gone up a lot since I was there in 2016. It took me a long time to travel to South America alone because I was always worried about the crime. Many people warned me it was not as safe as in the U.S. or Europe and not to travel alone there. But since I was twenty, I wanted to go.

I decided to spend most of my time in Lima, the capital, a city of 10 million people. A city of crime. A city where no one wanted to be there and I was an empath and felt everything everyone else felt. I was outside of my comfort zone. I had a few friends in the city, but I soon discovered my trip was not about deepening my friendships, but going inward.

I had my dark night of the soul.

This was one of the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life. My life turned completely upside down. I had so much fear and sickness. I was not an anxious, fearful or sick person ordinarily. I became conscious of so much that I wasn’t aware of in the States. I clearly saw my relationships for what they were, instead of what I wanted them to be. I saw all of my flaws, all the parts myself I didn’t like. I was very ungrounded. Somehow I forgot all of my spiritual tools and went deeper into the spiritual awakening.

Spiritual awakenings are messy, ugly, and emotional and I had a hard time finding myself again after I knew the truth about my life. I felt lost and didn’t know how to put the pieces back together again.

I share this because things are not always what they seem.

I was surprised when I returned from my trip that friends didn’t ask me how my trip was. Instead they said, “I saw your photos. What an adventure you had!“

Yes, what an adventure I had!

With deep depression and fear in so many areas of my life.

I learned more about myself on that trip than I have in my entire life.

But going through the dark night of the soul prepared me for 2020. My journey of inner insight and discovery hasn’t stopped. I’ve had ups and downs in 2020, but overall, I’ve bounced back much quicker than when I was in Peru.

It’s interesting when your life is turned upside down, that’s when you see the light. From the pain, I saw the light. I saw the painful truth and from there I have grown.

And if you are wondering what black feathers mean, they mean protection during spiritual awakening.

A pic of me in Lima, Peru after returning from the Sacred Valley and feeling like myself again.

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