The New Know-It-All Bullies

The New Know-It-All Bullies

I am fortunate to say that I was not bullied growing up, but sadly, I see that bullying and more specifically, cyberbullying is on the rise.

I do not believe in public humiliation, so I won’t use her name, but there is a very famous business coach, a millionaire, who uses bullying tactics to get her new clients and to control the clients she has. she was the first to say, “Make your mess your message“, “ It’s either a Hell yes or a no”, and “How you do anything is how you do everything.“

Yes, she’s got some catchy sayings and some great messages.

But it is never okay to bully. (Shame, judge, criticize) someone publicly. This is a manipulation tactic to control another person, to silence them, and embarrass them into submission. Unfortunately, it is used a lot in the coaching world and it puts a coach in a position of power/authority.

No longer are bullies on the playground, but they are adults with deep wounds that others are hiring. I followed this coach for some time before I realized that she was a bully. I was so impressed by her ability to go from a secretary to a millionaire and to have a thriving business with a huge staff and a huge following. I wanted to be a successful entrepreneur like her. I wanted to learn how she did it.

It wasn’t until I hopped on a free group coaching call that I clearly saw her scare tactics in motion. She coached us one-by-one on our specific problems and then at the end, she invited us to her live in-person event in Vegas on specific dates. I remember the first woman she coached. She said, “Thank you. Unfortunately, I can’t attend because my daughter is having her first baby and of course, I don’t know the exact date it will happen, but she is due around the same time as your event and I plan to be there two weeks to help out, so I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it this year, but would love to attend next year.“ The coach went all out on her.

She said, “How you do anything is how you do everything. You are just using this as an excuse. My event is the most important event for your life and for your business. This shows that you are just a woman of excuses. Someone else can be there for her birth and to help her to take care of her and her baby after the birth, but you can prioritize your business for once, so that you can get ahead. You can visit the baby later after my live event.“

I couldn’t believe how she twisted her words around to fit the situation. “How you do anything is how you do everything” making it mean that this person always had excuses. Even though she didn’t know this lady on the call. Maybe this woman actually had a work/play balance and realized career wasn’t everything and good relationships were. The coach didn’t have any compassion for her daughter giving birth and needing her mother to help her. The most important thing she believed to be a successful woman was always to be working, to put business ahead of everything, even family. She believed this was the difference between men and women in business and the reason why men were more successful than women in business.

The woman apologized and said she couldn’t make it this year because of her daughter. Her answer was not a “Hell yes!” for her event and the coach couldn’t accept it. She didn’t trust this woman’s intuition to do what was right for her. She believed only her way was correct.

The next woman got on the call and got free coaching and then again the coach asked the same question, “Are you coming to my annual event in Vegas this year?“

The woman said, “No, I’m sorry I will be moving across country at that time.“

Again, she flipped and bullied this woman into going to her event whether she was moving at that time or not, she had to make the time to go to her live event.

Then I got on the call and got free coaching and she asked me if I was going to be attending her live event. I said, “I’m sorry, but it is my grandmother‘s 97th birthday and we have planned a big party with family traveling from Virginia to see her on those dates, so I won’t be able to attend this year.“

She went berserk.

I thought she would be like, “Wow, 97 years old?! That is so special! God bless her. That doesn’t happen every year; do the steps I gave you and come next year. Good luck!“

Instead, she yelled about me and all the other women on the call saying if we didn’t prioritize our businesses now by dropping everything and going to her event we were destined to fail in our businesses.

Bullying and scare tactics. I was floored. BIG red flag. I didn’t trust her. How you do anything is how you do everything, that must mean that she bullies all of her clients, her one-on-one clients and her potential clients.

And she’s not the only coach I’ve met over the years who is a bully. I actually met a coach who refers to herself as a bully, uses it as her title. She calls her self something like the Friendly Bully and smiles at the name thinking it is a good thing. She is friendly and warm in the beginning, but if you don’t behave in the manner that she wants you to behave, she bullies you (for your own good.) Tough love.

The first time, she mentioned this to me a knot looped around in my stomach and I thought “This isn’t good.” But still, she was very confident and knowledgeable so I followed her. I did a Facebook challenge with her and not surprising, in the end, she was mean to me. She didn’t give constructive criticism, instead her raging bully had surfaced putting me down in front of others.

I no longer like when coaches say, “Make sure you are coachable“ because I see that sometimes that means, “Make sure you are controllable.” Clients should be encouraged to think for themselves and do what is best for them and to trust their coach’s guidance, not have it be an opportunity for an emotionally abusive relationship.

People who were bullied in school are now growing up to be cyber bullies and continuing to spread the cycle of shame and emotional abuse. Today, people are paying to work with bullies, instead of avoiding them, because they want the tangible results they possess and due to their unresolved childhood wounds, they accept abuse as normal.

it is important to be discerning especially for empaths who are looking for help in the coaching world. Empaths are particularly vulnerable to this abuse since they often put others’ feeling before their own, thereby missing the red flags. Emotional abuse can lead to chronic illness, so it is important to stop the contact immediately.

Comment below. Have you had a similar experience with a coach? Have you been cyberbullied? Did you notice it was happening right away? Or did you slowly realize this over time?

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