chronic fatigue — Blog (The Dancing Hummingbird)

Looking Back On My 15-Year Illness

When I was sick with my chronic illness for 15 years, doctors tried to give me medication after medication.

They treated the individual symptoms, not the root cause.

Or

They didn’t treat me at all.

They believed I was just depressed

or

a hypochondriac.

They didn’t know that by offering me more medication they were making me sicker.

People didn’t think I looked sick.

They only believed the doctors

and

my doctors didn’t do the right tests

so they said I was fine.

I have a hard time looking back at pictures of when I was sick, even if it was a happier occasion, like these pics of me on vacation.

I see how sick I was.

Too Tired To Smile

When I was sick with my 15-year illness, I was not the same person I am today.

Today, I smile easily and often.

The little things make me so happy.

I am so grateful for EVERYTHING.

But when I was sick with my chronic illness, I was too sick to smile or laugh.

They say that it takes more muscles to smile than it does to frown.

It’s true. It takes a lot less energy to be emotional-less.

A Glimpse Into My Past

Many people love to look at old pictures when they were younger,

“The good old days…”

But I don’t like to look at pictures of myself when I was sick with my 15-year illness.

At the time, I may have been able to hide that I was sick from others who didn’t know me.

I had a lot of shame for being sick for so long.

Some of my friends on social media may never have known me when I was sick.

They may have never seen me sick.

They may think that I have always been so happy, healthy, and vibrant.

I look at this picture and I don’t recognize myself.

The DancingHummingbird