narcissism — Blog (The Dancing Hummingbird)

I Know It Hurts. I Know You’re Angry. Break The Cycle of Being in A Toxic Romantic Relationship (Once And For All)

You’re not doomed to continue the cycle of attracting narcissists or toxic relationships.

The myths circulating about narcissists are preventing you from breaking the cycle.

If you have been in a toxic, abusive relationship, look at your past and the areas of your life to see where you need healing. It is a fallacy that empaths always attract narcissists. Wounded empaths attract narcissists, but not all empaths are wounded. Some are empowered. Wounded people attract wounded people. Narcissists are wounded. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you will never be able to change them, but you can heal yourself and set healthy boundaries and learn the signs so that you do not welcome another narcissist into your life.

Tough Love Is Killing Empathy

Tough love has really become en vogue in the last few years spawned on by the coaching movement. Tough love is considered love that’s “good for you.” Unfortunately, the popularity of tough love is justifying bullies. Many believe people are playing victims and when they do, they should not show them empathy or love, but call them out on their weakness to toughen them up.

I remember one time in a coaching session my coach said to me, “You are being a victim.”

To which I replied, “I am being authentic. I don’t appreciate you labeling me.”

When we label someone, we pigeon in who they are and don’t see the full person. They just become one word.

Do you identify with being referred to as only one word to describe you? Or are you fuller and more complex than a single word?

My coach then said, “You are being a baby.”

I said, “Do not call me a baby; do not label me. I do not label my clients and I appreciate you to show me the same courtesy.”

“Why?” she asked. “Wouldn’t you want to know?! I would want to know! I would want my coach to tell me if I was being a victim or a baby.”

Narcissists in The Business Coaching and Thought Leadership World

There is a very famous business coach/thought leader/motivational speaker; you may know him. He teaches people mind-over-matter by encouraging them to walk on hot coals; he hosts live events with thousands of attendees (which sell out fast for big bucks), and many women have accused him of making inappropriate sexual advances and sexually harassing them. (This is fans and staff. ) Some have even said, that he berated abuse victims. Yes, he is incredibly successful in his career, has a huge following, but he is a narcissist.

Narcissists are often successful in business because they are ruthless; they don’t care about anyone else but themselves. If you boost their ego, they will love you, but if you show that you are vulnerable and didn’t feel emotional supported or seen by them or that they didn’t help you, that’s when they get mean and ugly. Narcissists are incredibly vain; they are always focused on themselves, even if they don’t like themselves. They often did not feel emotionally supported as children, so they have no problems giving you tough love.

There are many coaches/thoughts leaders today who are narcissists and yet their businesses are booming.

Why?

Because they are successful in business and people want to learn from those who are uber successful.

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