empathy — Blog (The Dancing Hummingbird)

I love being a healer. I have been a healer for about 17 years. It was never something I intended to do, but I had a calling and over the years the calling continues.

Why?

Because I was sick with a debilitating illness for 15 years. I was misdiagnosed for 15 years. I felt doctors didn’t respect me and take me and my symptoms seriously. I felt that I lost 15 years of my life which could have been avoided and I don’t want the same to happen to anyone else. Life is supposed to be joyful, but you can’t be joyful when your needs are not met physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Because of what I experienced, I have great empathy for those who have chronic illnesses and chronic conditions who are being told there is no cure and they have to accept their illnesses.

Spread A Little Kindness To The Ones You Love And To Yourself

Hi Everyone!

Today is National Random Acts of Kindness Day which is part of Random Acts of Kindness Week which runs until February 20.

What can you today to share your kindness with someone?

Can you write a letter or email someone you care about, someone who made a big impact in your life, and them know how much you love them or the difference they made in your life?
Can you volunteer to help someone in need?
Can you perform a random act of kindness with a stranger or a loved one?
Can you give something to someone else?
Can you offer your time with someone? An ear? Or a hand?

What will you decide to do?

Tough Love Is Killing Empathy

Tough love has really become en vogue in the last few years spawned on by the coaching movement. Tough love is considered love that’s “good for you.” Unfortunately, the popularity of tough love is justifying bullies. Many believe people are playing victims and when they do, they should not show them empathy or love, but call them out on their weakness to toughen them up.

I remember one time in a coaching session my coach said to me, “You are being a victim.”

To which I replied, “I am being authentic. I don’t appreciate you labeling me.”

When we label someone, we pigeon in who they are and don’t see the full person. They just become one word.

Do you identify with being referred to as only one word to describe you? Or are you fuller and more complex than a single word?

My coach then said, “You are being a baby.”

I said, “Do not call me a baby; do not label me. I do not label my clients and I appreciate you to show me the same courtesy.”

“Why?” she asked. “Wouldn’t you want to know?! I would want to know! I would want my coach to tell me if I was being a victim or a baby.”

It's A Bigger Issue Than Racism

Last year one of my clients asked me to teach empathy since he believed that the world needed more empathy. No one ever asked me to teach empathy before so I thought about it for a minute. I have been an empath all of my life, but can empathy be taught? I concluded that it can’t. Compassion can be taught; mindfulness can be taught but empathy cannot be taught, especially as one gets older.

Luckily I grew up with my father being empathic so I was around empathy growing up. Kids develop most of their personality by the age of 7.

I grew up in a predominantly white environment as one of the few African American families in town. Looking at me, most people don’t expect it, but like other African-Americans, I was exposed to racism. But I was exposed to racism in a different way than most since many people didn’t know if I was white or black.

On the school bus, I remembered one kid saying how much he hated blacks and my neighbor tried to shush him saying, “Be quiet! Khristee’s on the bus!”

To which he replied, “Who cares? She’s not black!”

To which my neighbor replied, “Yes, she is!”

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